Stuart and Baci, the beautiful Samoyed, and I went shopping today to get presents for his family, which need to be mailed out soon. I put Baci's belled velvet collar on him and he jingled his way through the shopping centers. I wore an honest to goodness holiday sweater, (a relatively tasteful one, no santas or snowmen) to maximize our cheerfulness enducing potential. All day, whereever we went, there were people who were very happy to see us. They would stop us and ask to pet the dog, and chat with us. That went on pretty much all afternoon. Going shopping with Baci along is not "competitive speed shopping." It's slow, and friendly and very social. So the following encounter really caught me by surprise. On the way home, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items. When we came back out, there was now a huge grey Ford Explorer who had parked in the space next to us. The car was well over the white line, encroaching on our space, especially toward the back door. I was opening the back door to put the groceries in the back seat, and bumped the Ford Explorer, by accident. It was a gentle tap, no scratches, no dings in the wheel well. There was a woman in the car who popped out to yell at me. "Hey! You hit my car! Couldn't you tell that you hit my car?" "Yes, I'm sorry. I tried to avoid it. It was gentle, and there was no harm done. Sorry." I then opened the front door, without hitting her car. And because I only weigh 115 pounds, I was able to squeeze into the front seat, but it was not easy to keep from hitting her car again. What I didn't do was yell back at her, something along these lines: "If you had done a better job of parking that monster of an SUV, I wouldn't have hit it at all. It wasn't like I was trying to hit it, lady. I was trying NOT to hit it." So, at times like this, I sometimes feel like a sap, because even though I was in the wrong. I DID in fact hit her car... a little. But she was wrong too. I already felt bad about hitting her car, as a matter of fact, and she made me feel even worse. I did what I could to make her feel better. I apologized, instead of yelling back at her. This is a small example of how we all have to engage our "skillful means" as much as possible to keep the holiday stress from getting out of hand, in this case, by pulling back from the late afternoon confrontation. Now, what do we do with that energy? What to do with that "I feel like pond scum" feeling that you get when you held your tongue, or when you genuinely did something wrong that you regret, even if it was a minor tiff with a stranger who probably didn't have nearly as much fun shopping all day as I had with Stuart and Baci. I find it helpful to draw on a Buddhist principle of "no self" which is that my "self" is not permanent, unchanging, or independent of other factors. And here's the kicker in this situation, neither is hers. There was "no lady" for me to get mad at. There was no permanent, unchanging, angry woman there. Apart from this weird little thirty second perception of her, she will go on to have dinner, to put her feet up, and maybe even regret that she yelled at that lady in the cheerful holiday sweater. So, with that picture in mind, maybe we both can let it go, allow our patience to return, and be none the worse for it. We need to put our patience into practical use, every day, but especially during the holidays.

One of my Zaadzy friends asked the question about whether or not his quest for a quiet holiday made him a Grinch? My reply to him might be helpful to others, so I'm pulling into my blog for further food for thought. There is nothing wrong with wanting quiet time. I think that quiet time is in ever increasingly short supply. I often think that the first step is that you have to turn the television OFF, (even the football) to let the quiet IN. Hmm, as for the basis of your question, "Are you a Grinch?". In my opinion you are only a Grinch if you are actively trying to prevent OTHER people from enjoying Christmas. Stuffing the tree up the chimney, etc. You don't do that... do you? I recently met a Buddhist nun who celebrates Christmas with her family because she likes "anything with presents!" I don't see much of a contradiction there. There are "perfections" in Buddhism, and my understanding is that generosity or giving is considered the most important -- the beginning place. Where, even if you can't give something, you can imagine giving it, and that plants the seed where you may eventually be able to give it. To avoid being Grinchy, I think you need to recognize that the kindness and inclusion offered by your friends family and colleagues are also in short supply. Here's some food for thought for approaching the holidays. What three things do you like about the holiday season that are NOT a pain in the butt to do? Make a point to do those. (Example: I like a door wreath, I like cooking a special meal or cookies, I like watching Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" with Alistair Sim.) What three things do you want to avoid? (Example: I want to avoid the Little Drummer Boy like the rum pum plague, I want to avoid busting the budget, I want to avoid hurting anyone's feelings) What three things are most important to someone you love who does celebrate Christmas? (Example: Stuart wants to give presents to his family. My mom wants to wrap presents together. My sister likes to do "cloved oranges" and things that smell lovely...) I can do those things with a glad heart, and help them to enjoy those things. Everything else is completely optional. I hope that you enjoy the best that the season has to offer you with those near and dear to you. Namaste! :-)

Well, my powerbook finally gave up its ghost in the machine yesterday. I am an experienced computer person, and I've seen a lot of machines go in my time. The noises that came from my mac before it died were really spectacularly bad. Luckily I had backups so I wasn't too stressed out about it. Just sad to see it go, and worried about the cost. I had to run out to the Apple Store to get a... NEW ONE... It's going to take a lot of sales of our software to make up for the "damage" done. *yoiks* However, I just feel great about this change anyway, although it looks weird to me. I used to have a 12inch powerbook, and this is a 15 inch powerbook. It's ENORMOUS! I keep walking away still looking for my 12 inch powerbook, thinking this one must be Stuart's 17 inch powerbook. So, anyway, I had to name the new Mac. I got Stuart the "FireFly" DVD set as a gift. (There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe that Joss Whedon is a genius, and those who are just wrong.) He's amazing and inspiring. So, since it is on my mind, I'm naming the new Mac,"Serenity"... after the cute and hardy spaceship. My last Mac was named Buffy. The first rule of slaying is "Don't die..." so that stood me in good stead for a long time. :-) Maybe I should have named this one "Kendra." :-) The theme song from Firefly includes this wonderful sentiment: "Burn the Land and Boil the sea....You can't take the sky from me..." So I'm naming my new, way too shiny mac (my old mac actually looked the part) to be "Serenity", not because our Life Balance product makes me serene, (which it does) but because hopefully we are slipping past the "Don't Die" stage... and I have a feeling that what our business needs to do at this point is to: "Keep Flying..."